Torn
by gsugirl
Summary: Horatio has moved forward with his life after Marisol's death, but discovers that an anniversary and a birthday coincide in this one-shot. His new love wonders if she is a 'substitute'. The anonymous female OC can be any lady of your choosing. Hope you enjoy!


Torn

She sat alone on the deck sipping a glass of Riesling as the soft sounds of the ocean helped soothe her troubled mind. It wasn't surprising that she searched for solace through the blue water…it was the second thing she loved most…the first being him…her husband of six months, Horatio Caine.

It was never her intention to fall in love with him. Their introduction at a dinner party by a mutual friend had been brief and she was stunned when he called a few days later asking to meet for drinks. The sensible side of her screamed for an immediate turn down…she'd had an exhausting day at work and wasn't particularly in the mood for companionship. But there was something striking about him…the gorgeous red hair, thinning a bit with age, his unpretentious sense of style, his quiet sophistication…and his eyes…those dangerous blue eyes…so sad, so guarded, and so sensual that seemed to draw her to him like a moth to a flame.

So, she ignored all common sense and surprisingly found herself saying yes. That night had became the start of her greatest joy and what some might call her abandonment of self. Perhaps he had finally found himself…maybe that was what his absence was telling her tonight.

They dated for about sixteen months… at first extremely casually, then exclusively. After eight months, he reluctantly confessed that he loved her, a moment that both thrilled and terrified her. Then, he asked her to move in with him a few months later. But, being hopelessly old fashioned, she had sadly turned him down, praying he would understand, all the while knowing that he wouldn't. A week, then two, and finally three crawled by and she heard nothing from him. Suddenly, out of the blue, he had appeared at her door late one night with a dozen white roses, a diamond ring and a proposal…marry him, please, he almost begged…and this time she sobbed a different answer into his strong shoulder as he held her close…a joyful yes! They had flown to St. Thomas for the wedding…just the two of them with Eric and Calleigh accompanying them as witnesses, friends, and family.

She had been deliriously happy since their marriage, but had to admit that she often wondered if he was…perhaps tonight was the reply…a reply that had been staring her in the face while she lived blissfully in a state of denial.

Rising to her feet, she set her wine glass on the deck floor and turned to go back inside to begin the task of clearing the table that she had put so much effort into preparing when she spotted him standing in the doorway…staring at her with those eyes…those riveting blue eyes...eyes that held a death grip on her heart.

"Horatio, you frightened me! How long have you been standing there?" she gasped trying to avoid his intense gaze.

"A few minutes. What are you doing out here so late without your wrap? It's a bit chilly for Miami. I don't want you getting sick on me," he answered with concern.

"Is it chilly? I hadn't noticed. I was coming in to clear the table. Have you eaten yet? I made a special dinner tonight. It's still there."

"Yes, Liebling, I ate with the Delko's. I noticed the table when I came in. Didn't you get my message?"

"Message?"

"Yes, I…um…left a message at your work. You did get it, didn't you?"

"Uh…no, I didn't. I left work early today to prepare all of this. Our wires got crossed. I'd best get it cleared away," she replied slipping past him with a sad smile.

"May I help you? You've put together quite a meal in there."

"I'll take care of it. No worries," she said swiftly blowing out the glowing candles on the dining room table as she carried two neglected Mikasa dinner plates into the kitchen.

"Is that filet mignon with mushroom and wine sauce?" Horatio asked wearily rubbing his forehead as he watched her busy herself.

"Yeah, it'll be in the refrigerator for tomorrow if you want it," she replied softly searching for room on the shelves thankful that the burst of cool air helped her fight back tears.

"Of course I want it, Liebling. I thought you would get my message. I thought we were on the same page about today," Horatio answered as he walked up behind her, encircled her waist, and turned her slightly toward him.

"We are…of course we are," she replied as her eyes fell to the floor. "I just went a little overboard. You know me….one of my bad habits..overdoing things."

"Yes, I do, and I know you're upset. I thought you knew where I would have to be tonight. I thought you would understand."

"Horatio, I'm not upset. It's half-past ten and dinner should be put away. I'd hate to leave it out here to spoil. I have a board meeting tomorrow evening, but Mrs. Ramirez will be happy to prepare a plate for you. I'll ask her before I leave in the morning."

"Okay, I, uh, I need a shower. Can we talk after?"

"Sure…go ahead. Relax, I'm sure you've had a tough day," she replied thankful for the respite before becoming consumed by his overwhelming presence again.

Standing under the warm spray of the shower, Horatio leaned against the slick tiles and sighed. Hurting her was the last thing he ever wanted to do. Her intrusion into his life had been a God-Send. At the time of their not-so-accidental introduction, he had been a shadow of a man...lonely, isolated, and guilt-ridden. She had helped him realize that…it was something he damn well didn't want to admit to himself.

He was only looking for a casual relationship…an occasional dinner, tickets to the theatre, etc. He was only in need of an attractive woman to be on his arm for those social occasions when being single was socially awkward. But, her smile was warm, her laugh infectious, and her interests surprisingly comparable with his. His feelings for her began with friendship and then evolved into love with uncharacteristic speed, but his pride wouldn't admit it until weeks after the fact, although he often felt that she had figured it out long before.

When she rejected his request for a different living arrangement, he decided to quietly end their relationship. He was a modern man and her traditional values baffled him somewhat, but found that he couldn't stay away from her, couldn't stop thinking of her, and couldn't live without her. Her companionship, her touch, her love was as essential to him as the air that he breathed. So, he proposed marriage and since the day they said their vows had never looked back...until tonight. In essence, he couldn't imagine life without her. Late this afternoon, as he visited Marisol's resting place in remembrance of her life and loss, he prayed that when the time came he would die first…that she would out-live him, because he couldn't face feeling that lonely ever again.

Emerging from the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and entered their bedroom where he saw her again standing beside their bed hastily stuffing something into a white shopping bag.

"What's that, Liebling?" he asked tenderly.

"It's nothing. Just something I plan to return tomorrow...if I can find the receipt," she mumbled hoping he hadn't taken notice of it on his way to the shower.

"Something tells me I would like it. May I have a look?" he asked as he came to her and stood so close that she became intoxicated by the aroma of his freshly washed skin.

"Horatio, please…I'd rather not. Please…"

"In this room, we've denied each other nothing. We've shared everything together. Share that with me…please."

"As you wish," she sighed as she slowly pulled the silky gown from the bag and tossed it on the bed.

"It's beautiful. Why tonight? Why all of this tonight…of all nights?" Horatio asked lightly fingering the pale pink lace on the silky gown.

"Today is our sixth month wedding anniversary. I thought you'd enjoy a special evening. We've both been a bit overworked lately. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't seeing the big picture."

"If I had known what you were planning, I would have made…different arrangements."

"If you had known, it wouldn't have met the definition of surprise. Hey, you look tired. I'm sure this day was taxing for you. You go on to bed. Get some rest. I'm going to read a little," she said wryly kissing his cheek as she picked up her book from the bedside table.

"Don't leave me alone tonight. I need you."

"And don't ask me to be her substitute, Horatio. Don't ask that of me tonight of all nights. That would be...too much," she whispered as a traitorous stray tear slipped down her cheek.

"You are never and will never be any woman's substitute. Stay with me. I can make all things right in here," he purred into her ear as he pulled her close to him.

"Yes, you can and that's what scares me. The love that I have for you and the hold you have over me frightens me."

"It shouldn't frighten you. You have nothing to fear from me. Read for a while…calm yourself…and then come to bed. I'll wait up. I want you."

"Don't wait up, Horatio. Marisol's birthday is very important to you. Eric told me. I called him when you didn't come home. I thought maybe you had gotten caught up in a case. I wanted to know how long I should hold dinner. But Eric explained everything. He said you always spend her birthday with the Delko family. Next time…I'll know what to expect," she replied slipping out of his grasp.

"I loved her once. I love you now…I thought you understood that. I thought you accepted that," Horatio said running a hand through his damp hair.

"I do understand that...now. But I can't handle the thought of you wanting her if we were to make love tonight. You needed to honor her and be with her tonight. That's who you are. But, I need some space right now to redefine myself. I need to retain my dignity and remember my place. And if you love me, you'll grant me that. So…goodnight lover…sweet dreams...enjoy her," she said as she walked across the hall to their guest room softly closing the door.

The End


End file.
